Archives

Essentialism, priorities and a potted history

The life I choose

Delightful Poppy, my last holiday house-sit dog.

It’s been way too long between posts, but rest assured that I have been fashioning a path through some rather overgrown torrain. It’s beginning to settle in my heart, that living the life I choose, is not so much choosing a life I want and then living it, but rather choosing the life I want, moment by moment. At the beginning of April I finally ran out of house-sits, and managed to book a – 3 nights on site, 2 nights off site – rolling plan for the following few weeks, only to find that I needed to be in Newcastle for longer periods, to cover staffing problems. I cancelled the site entirely last week and have had to cut my stay down to only two nights for the whole of next week too. This push back towards house-living meant taking a look at my internet access, since Pete doesn’t have Wifi, and uses his phone to tether his laptop. Not wanting to use up all his data allowance, I have now subscribed to the same arrangement, but with Three’s new 30GB hotspot package, so my internet issues are completely behind me (I hope!)

Having finished the book on Essentialism and considered my own need to at least be aware of my priorities, I feel much clearer about the importance of noticing when work begins to encroach on the rest of life. I broke life down into the following priority categories:

  • Self,
  • Family (in which I include Pete),
  • Friends,
  • Work (Custom Canine Care),
  • Writing (which I am not calling work at the moment, because it is life-living and creative).

For most of the past four or five years, work has very much been the cuckoo that threw everyone else out of the nest, and then fed freely on my time, only to become enormous. A lot of my thoughts so far this year have centred on practical solutions to the problem of freeing myself from the day to day demands of the business. I want to keep Custom Canine Care running, not least because it provides a number of people, who are very dear to me, with work. But I do want my own contribution to become less, so that I can focus on other things. A couple of weeks ago, we had a staff meeting (the result of re-prioritising my co-workers in the business) to discuss this further and came up with a number of new ways forward. Typically, it has been the two weeks following on from this, that I’ve been needed to cover holidays and more recently, the death of Joe’s car. So as always – plans remain fluid, and sometimes work still needs to be prioritised!

brightest tapestry tattoo

My wolf print in snow tatoo

In respect of the other categories, I have finally set on a course of slow, steady weight losss, returning in the end to the high fat, low carb model, and that’s all going well, at a rate of about 1lb a week. I think it’s been so slow, because I have had a knee injury (now nearly healed) and haven’t been able too walk much without severe pain. I have also gained a tattoo! I went to a local tattooist, who Pete has used before, and who just happened to be across the road from the last house-sit that I did at the end of March. It’s on my upper right arm and is a wolf paw print. It felt odd for a while, but now feels like a part of me. A few people have asked me how it felt to get it done. The closest sensation I can liken it to is a kind of rasping across your skin – much as I imagine it would feel to run a metal file over the area in little back and forward strokes. It wasn’t so much really pain, as a kind of irritating soreness – but very hard to accurately explain.

brightest tapestry essentialism

Pete at the cheese and cider festival, The Brandling Villa

Prioritising family is a work in progress, though since Mum had the heart surgery in March, and I spent some time with both my lovely sisters (Fiona and Janet), I have definately felt more intertwined with their lives. I have moved all my website hosting over to Fiona’s long-standing hosting and web-maintenance business, and most of the sites are fully functional and beginning to flourish. Custom Canine Care (now a dog info-blog) and my old rat breeding site, now relaunched as The Scuttling Gourmet, have both had loads of time an attention, and are now starting to generate interest and subscribers. I managed to publish my first eBook from The Scuttling Gourmet series, and although it has some formatting issues, I did it and have sold around 15 copies in the past week, since it was released. I’m going to iron out the formatting problems as I prepare the second one, and then go back and revise the first one too. I have 7 planned in the series, plus two others on different aspects of rat life. So much has been happening in Janet’s life too, especially with the birthing of so many lovely lambs at her smallholding, and I have followed the stories avidly on Facebook. Pete and I have spent loads of time together, and have enjoyed various walks, pub visits, a cheese festival, a vintage fair (bought a great tie dyed velvety jacket) and a meal at Weatherspoons (on the back of an aborted attempt to go and see a live band at The Head of Steam). We’ve been a bit constrained because of my knee’s inability to walk far, or at any speed. There’s a lot of day to day stuff and Game of Thrones watching in between!

Imogen’s helped me along the road to spending time with family, by arranging a couple of get togethers for me and all three offspring (so good to have them all in Newcastle for a time). She’s cooked us some lovely food – and this coming week we get to play with her new Virtual Reality headset. I’m acutely aware, that despite all of this, I haven’t had much contact with Mum and Dad since she went home from hospital a few weeks back, and I need to prioritise them too. I managed a lovely evening with Lloyd while I was house sitting at Mak and Fern’s a couple of weeks ago, and he was up for the NERS show. We had a much needed catch up and enjoyed a chinese takeaway together. I’ve also made the first moves towards meeting up with a group of rattie friends from the south of England in the Summer. It’s good to record these things, not least because then you can hold me accountable, but also because it serves to help me realise that I am actually doing something about the principles I am re-learning.

Writing has been all I knew it would be. It excites me to learn new things and I am revelling in the progress the sites are making. I have learned so much, and have so far still to go, but I can see it beginning to come together – at least for the business site and the rat site. I have also been working on a new business site called Running a Pet Services Business, which is live, but I have yet to launch. This is a support and training site for people who are involved in pet care businesses. So that will be next to give wings!

The life I choose – essentialism

The view from the public footpath just outside the Caravan Club site at Old Hartley.

The view from the public footpath just outside the Caravan Club site at Old Hartley.

So much has happened since I last wrote and I apologise for the ‘gap’. One thing that is clear to me, is that I have a huge amount to learn this year about “the life I choose”. After a run of house-sits, punctuated by my gorgeous mother having open heart surgery (she’s recovering with the grit and determination that I know runs through my own veins), I find myself again re-evaluating just what it is that I am doing here. The short answer would have to be – too much! I set off on this year of significance, in order to free myself from the tyranny of constant, frenetic, busyness, yet three months in I found myself trapped again in that treadmill feeling, and “the life I choose” felt like a distant, ethereal thing. Unable to even define it, I felt ill-equipped either to take hold of it or to make it happen. Yet here I am: A new day, a new caravan site, looking out onto the vastness of the North Sea and taking the next baby steps towards understanding what “the life I choose” really means. Perhaps just as importantly, beginning to see what it will cost me.

I heard something very challenging yesterday; that the word priority was for many centuries of usage, only singular. That it was used to mean the single most important thing. Then, sometime over the past 200 or so years, as our lives developed an ever increasing pace, it was pluralised. The competing demands of many aspects of our lives had become too complex and clamorous to contain a single priority. However, it strikes me gut deep, that the human being is not capable of prioritising many things. That believing we have many priorities, leads only to the tyranny of the urgent. A place I have lived for many years. What I mean is that unless we are honest about our priorities and reduce them down towards a list of one, we will not live the life we choose, but rather we will do whatever makes the loudest (or most uncomfortable) demands on us at any given time.

For the past 5 years I have prioritised my business, Custom Canine Care, over everything else. Perhaps initially that was essential to make it happen, but for at least the last couple of years I have allowed it to become something that has demanded priority, rather than me giving priority to it as a conscious choice. It shouted the loudest and most urgently. I feel that it’s important to note that in my heart, the business is not my priority. My children, family, close friends and Pete (who fits into at least two of those categories!) would all trump the business. So would my health and well being. That they haven’t been prioritised in any practical sense was more about them demanding less than about me wanting to give less. This year, is in many regards about breaking that cycle – and it’s hard. Only yesterday, I had to say “no” a longstanding client, who I care about a great deal. It was painful…

I am currently listening to a book called Essentialism, by Greg McKeown and am finding it to be one of those “right place, right time” books for me. He teaches that the pursuit of less is more likely to enable us to achieve more of the stuff that is important to us. I began this year with so many things that I wanted to achieve/begin/work on. If I continue to do things as I have over the past 3 months, I’ll achieve very few of them. Time to take a close look at what I want to prioritise and what I need to let go of to achieve that.

I feel that there are five main areas of my life that I should look at to determine priority.

  • Self (health and wellbeing)
  • Relationship
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Work

Each of these areas of life represents myriads of hopes, desires and challenges for growth. Things I would like to do, make happen, experience and learn. Over the next few days I plan to drill down into them and discover true priorities, and if I can… one priority for each that will take my focus until it’s done. Will let you know how I get on.